My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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