I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
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Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
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I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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