Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
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Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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