mondays should just be called national damage control day
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
