apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
sex in a hospital.. check
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
