We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
