I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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