Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
