just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
