I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
