So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
