I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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