I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
