it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize