I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize