There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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