And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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