May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
