no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
