Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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