I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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