Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
