Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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