you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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