I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
