I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
