as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
this hospital has no fireball
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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