There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i drank out of a bidet.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
