oh god the rape fog is back!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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