I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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