You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
