I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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