god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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