the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
