Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
