Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
