my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
