And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
