Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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