when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
