I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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