i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
