so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he thought i was a dude.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
