next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize