I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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