he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
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yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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