8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
