so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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