I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
