butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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