Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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