Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
