Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
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They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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