The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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