I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
