hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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