i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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