Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
