420 ftw
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
