I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
