how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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