I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i came on her dog
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
