im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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