A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
