The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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