Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
