people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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